A new father goes into the delivery room to see his newborn
baby boy. The doctor pulls him aside and says " I have the most amazing news.
Your boy can fly". The doctor sees the doubt in the fathers eyes so he offers a
demonstration. He picks up the little boy, holds him high in the air and then
lets go. The baby falls to the floor with a loud thump.
"You son of a bitch" says the new father, ready to kill the doctor. " Wait,
something must be wrong. He flew this morning. Let me try again". He flings the
boy across the room and he slams against the wall and slides down to the floor.
"Oh my god, I am going to kill you" says the father as he is running towards the
baffeled doctor. "No no wait, I know what I did wrong. I promise it will work
this time". He opens the window and tosses the kid out. The kid of course falls
7 stories and leaves a mess on the sidewalk below. By this time the father is
choking the doctor. With his last breath the doctor says " I was just messing
with you. Your son was born dead."
An extremely ugly woman walks into a store with her two kids. The man at the counter asks, "Are they twins?" The woman says, "No, he's nine and she's seven." Then she says, "Why? Do you think they look alike?" "No," he replies. "I just can't believe you got laid twice!"